This is Cameron smack dab in the middle of a tantrum about 6 months ago. Hilarious!! (and a little bit sad.....)
Anyway, so here are my personal thoughts, ideas & opinions on discipline. I am a HUGE fan of the Supernanny. I think her ideas and methods are so wonderful. I have always watched her show and knew I wanted to use her methods when I had kids. So right when Cameron turned 18 months, we started using Time-Out. Nate and I sat down and decided what we wanted to deserve a Time-Out as punishment. Obviously this "list" will change as Cameron gets older, but as of today, these are the things that Cam gets Time-Out for:
1. Throwing food on the floor. (This was a HUGE problem a few months ago. So if even the tiniest morsel of food hit the floor, he was in Time-Out. It worked, and he only does it about once a week now, as opposed to after every meal!)
2. Throwing things (unless it's a ball). He tends to throw things when he gets tired.
3. Disobeying Mommy or Daddy if we ask him to do or stop doing something more than 3 times. He has been getting time-out A LOT for this lately! He hasn't been listening to us very well lately.
This is Cameron in Time-Out a few months ago. Now we have a little stool he has to sit on. When he was 18 months, he had to stay there for 1 minute. Then a few weeks ago we bumped it up to 1 1/2 minutes. And on his 2nd birthday, he will start sitting there for 2 minutes. He actually does a pretty good job of sitting there. He knows not to move until his timer beeps. If we don't keep an eye on him, he'll make a run for his room, but if he knows we're watching, then he'll sit still. Then he has to come and apologize. Hearing him say "Sorry Mommy or Sorry Daddy" is the cutest thing EVER!
I just think that consistency is KEY. You HAVE to stick to it. If sometimes they get in trouble and sometimes they don't, then they will be confused. And I feel VERY strongly that discipline is important. I think some parents feel mean or like they are "threatening a friendship" if they discipline their kids. I think it's the opposite! I think children who aren't discplined are MUCH worse off than those who are. Kids need rules and boundaries. Otherwise they will be COMPLETELY out of control.....just like all the crazy kids on Supernanny! And when I look at Cameron, I still see a happy, loving kid. He doesn't hate me or Nate because we put him in Time-Out or tell him "no". He still hugs and kisses us every day.
I also think that consistency between BOTH parents is another key. I think discipline is completely pointless if both parents aren't on the same page. Like I said, Nate and I sat down together and agreed on what constitutes a Time-Out and what doesn't. Kids need to be kids.....I don't think they should be disciplined for EVERY little thing. Most of the time, at Cam's age, anyway, simply redirecting their attention to another toy or activity will fix the problem. I do want to parent with love and not be mad at my child all the time!!!!
On to spanking.....I do NOT thing spanking is effective at all, but I have spanked Cameron. I've spanked him more than I planned on!!! It just gets hard when you get SO angry!!! But I don't want to be a mom who spanks, so I've been working on controlling my own actions. It's REALLY hard to not let your emotions take over. It's hard to stay calm!! Nate is worse than I am about controlling his anger (are you all surprised? I was!!). So we had a talk the other night about trying to parent with love more. I am going to work on using more effective methods than spanking, and Nate is going to work on using more effective methods than blowing up and yelling at Cam. There.....see, we're not perfect!! I'm just grateful that Nate is the kind of daddy who is willing to sit down with me and talk about these things. I'm sure a LOT of dads just tune out and let mom take care of everything. A lot of dads just want to be the "fun" parent. I think that's really unfair to leave the wife on her own like that!
Anyway, there are my thoughts on all of that. Keep your opinions coming!
5 comments:
It must be something about turning 2 because Joshua has been a super sweet, good kid up until the last month or so, and lately he's going to time-out at least once a day for not listening. I've also spanked my kids more than I planned on, but I still think I'm doing a pretty good job most of the time. Parenting is an ongoing learning process. You think you have things figured out and then you have another baby with a totally different personality and you have to start from square one. I mainly try to discipline evenly with all my kids, but I have to tweak things a little differently for each personality.
Ethan has hit the terrible twos too...not fun! We put him in time out a fair amount lately too so it really must be the age. I have to control my yelling. I tend to yell and I know that we've generally been councelled to not yell but to just use a firm voice. AND I hate it when one of our parents are around and I try to tell Ethan no but everyone does. I just feel that makes Ethan feel ganged up on cause he bursts into tear! I've been called "mean mum" a few times..luckily he sounds so cute that I just can't take it to heart!! Discipline is important but I think it totally depends on the child and the parent as to the most effective method. just so hard not to laugh sometimes when they do things naughty!!
I yell too. I always ask our downstairs neighbor if she can hear me yelling at Cam! (she can't)
It is hard when they burst into tears, but that's when you can't back down cuz when they're older, they'll do it on purpose just to get their way. Cam is usually upset when we're mad at him, but 2 minutes later, he's fine, so I think it's important to stay consistent and stick to the rules that you've decided so that children learn that they can't run the household.
We've come up with a great consequence for Madison that works most of the time. If she misbehaves, she has to go to the laundry room for 5 mins (i min for each year of her age). I wanted to pick a place that was isolated, and not fun. I used to have her go to the bathroom, but one day I caught her playing and primping her hair in front of the mirror so I had to change to the truly most boring place in the house. :)
I never thought I'd spank, but sometimes I just run out of ways to deal with situations. I find that when I spank, the kids' behavior stops, temporarily, but I get angrier and the behavior doesn't really change long term. I think I need to be more prepared for their misbehavior so I have a better plan.
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