This morning I was watching Good Morning America, and they were talking about working moms vs stay-at-home moms. So I'm just wondering what your opinions are on this topic??
Here are my thoughts, and you are welcome to agree or disagree with me!!
In general, I think that children should be raised by their OWN parents. I feel that if parents make the decision to have a baby, then it is their responsibility to raise it, not somebody else's. Children DESERVE to be raised in a loving environment where they can feel safe and valuable.
However, I understand that it's not always possible for a mom (or a dad) to stay at home with the kids. But this is also where it gets blurry.....because it becomes an issue of whether both parents are working because they HAVE to or because they enjoy a lifestyle that can accompany duel incomes. It's a tricky issue. In most cases when the couple is young and trying to get on their feet, it becomes necessary for the wife to work while her husband is in school. In fact, I think that is a great idea for wives to help hold the family above water while the husband is getting an education (or vice versa if the mom is in school....I know a LOT of women who are in school while their husbands are home, especially around here). I don't think that moms who work are "bad moms" or are selfish. Most of the time, they don't even want to be working, but they are doing what their family needs at that time. I have been babysitting for about a year now, and I've made a point to only babysit children who's moms work only part-time, or they or their husbands are in school. I also don't see a problem in mothers working (perhaps part-time) once all of their kids are in school for the day.
But it breaks my heart when I see overly career-driven women who drive VERY fancy SUVs and shop at expensive stores and have large, luxuriously-furnished homes....but they never see their children. I've seen children call their nannies "mom". That's when it becomes an issue of selfishness vs necessity. I just think that some people aren't willing to give up the "luxuries of life" to stay at home. You might not have the biggest house on the block, have the designer clothes or drive a BMW, but I think true happiness comes from making sacrifices for your family and spending time with them. I have a friend who's mother-in-law makes her feel like a failure for being a stay at home mom. She thinks that "successful women" should go earn degrees and have driven careers while a nanny raises the kids. So sad, I think.
Now, that being said, I will admit that staying home all day every day is NOT easy. When Cam was 3 months old, I went back to work 2 days a week until he was a year old. The extra cash was nice, but we didn't NEED it to survive. Looking back, I think I did it mostly to "get out of the house" and feel "useful". I decided to quit when Cam was a year old, and it was a real struggle for me. I loved the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but at the same time, I struggle with it. I don't enjoy being home all day. There are days I want to go back to work. But I know that Cam (and now Baby) need to be raised by their mom and need to feel that security. Nate and I made the decision to get married and have children, and in my opinion, I am obligated to raise my children. It's a real sacrifice for me some days. I get tired of playing with cars and Legoes and watching Signing Time day after day after day after day.....and wiping bums and noses and doing laundry and dishes. I pray daily to find JOY in that....but I know it's what the Lord wants me to be doing. He has provided a way for me to stay home, and I am grateful.
I would LOVE to go back to school someday. I have always planned on returning to school when the kids are grown, or perhaps do some online classes when they are in school or something. I don't think that moms should stop learning EVER.
And my final note is that I think the word "mom" in this post can be swapped with "dad" in any case. I know a few stay-at-home dads who raise the kids while Mom goes to work. As long as they feel that is best for their family, I think that is excellent.
Friday, September 5, 2008
A Hot Topic....
Posted by Becca Jane at 8:27 AM
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10 comments:
I stayed at home for 10 yrs with our 6 kids and when my husband was out of a job, I went to work just after having our last baby. I really enjoyed it. In fact I quit after 3 years because I began to love my job more than I loved coming home and that should not have been my priority once my husband found a job. I agree that if possible one parent should stay home. My sister-in-law chose to go to school the same time her husband was going to law school and had his parents come live with them for 6 months to babysit their kids because she thought her husband wouldn't get a job when he was done school. That kind of thing would never have happened in our home, but everyone is different. Sorry for the long response.
There are a lot of moms (including me) who stay at home because we know its the right thing to do and are learning to love it. (I always love my family). Its hard to be surrounded all day with everything that needs to be done and not have some concrete way of hearing that you're doing an okay job (paycheck, performance review). I'm finding that there are ways to incorporate the things I'd be doing it I worked into my Mom life, and that a large part of my job is to manage the money Christian brings in, which helps stretch that money to provide for our family. Anyway--long thought.
I grew up with a mom that worked because she wanted time for do something for herself and for the extra money.. although we didn't need it growing up, she needed it. But we never went to a babysitter or day care. She would work only when my dad was home, in the evenings and through the night (she's an RN).
Since I've had kids, I always thought that it would be so nice to NOT have to work and stay home and take care of them, but my mom's example (good and bad) fueled something inside of me and know I have to for me. I get stir crazy VERY easily, and I can't handle not working! =/
I work less than 20 hours per week and ONLY when John is able to watch them and my mom watches them one day a week (which she loves).
It makes me feel better about being selfish, when I know that my boys are getting closer with their dad and 'nana and papa' in a way they wouldn't if I was there.
I've had to work this past year because of school and have hated not being home with Ethan. We're lucky to have a year of maternity leave here. If I have to go back for a bit to help with our student loan I will but would prefer to be home. Getting off work is my favorite time of the day and am so excited to have a year with Ethan and baby.
Jenn, I agree. Nate or his mom always watched Cam when I worked. It was GREAT for Cam and Nate to have that time together. And it helped Cam not be a clingy baby, he knew life was okay when Mom wasn't around.
I've thought about going back to work 1-2 days a week to help our income right now (Nate makes $900/month right now, haha!), but we'd have to pay for childcare, so it wouldn't be worth it.
Everyone is different. I stay home because that was our plan and because my paycheck would go straight to daycare so what's the point? Having family help is not an option for me. Even when I lived close to my family I rarely asked them to babysit because they all work. My sister in law babysat while I was pregnant with Parker but I hated making her do it because she has her own kids. When all my kids are in school I may tutor at home or help in a Special Ed classroom. Or I may have a really clean house and homemade cookies on a regualr basis. Heath supports me either way. We sacrifice so I can be home. But everyone is different with their own reasons for doing things.
For me, as hard as it is to do without sometimes (and it can be REALLY hard) I just can not imagine missing one moment or milestone of any of my children. I have never really liked working as it is and even though it can get kind of lonesome being at home all day with a child who doesn't talk yet, at least it will be me here when he gets his first tooth, says his first word, takes his first step, etc. I do not judge mom's who opt to work (for whatever reason) but will not miss my little one's growing up for anything in the world. Plus, the prophet has encouraged mom's to do what they can to stay home, that being top priority.
Chris and I have made it a point that no matter what sacrifices we have to make, I will stay home with our kids. That doesn't mean that I don't earn extra money. In the past I've cleaned houses one day a week while Chris was home with Kenzie or my mom, I became a certified doula and take births when and if I want to, and right now I'm watching a baby until his mom quits work in December. I've also made my kids a priority with babysitting. I will only take kids whose parents either teach school or are in school because then I can go places with my kids when they have holidays without having to tote another kid around.
I pretty much agree with everything you've said. I feel blessed every day that I have a job that allows me to work from home, when I want. I really feel like I get the best of both worlds. I just read a book you'd love called "The Stay At Home Survival Guide" by Melissa Stanton. The author left a magazine career (with People Magazine!) to stay home with her kids. Very cool.
I am very lucky that Wyatt has been able to come to work with me from the very start. I love what I do for work and feel that once I no longer have to work to survive, I will most likely go part time and work from home instead. The friends I have with children in day care really have no choice at this point in their lives. I feel that if your child is in day care it is your personal responsibility to make sure that they are placed in the best facility possible, with loving care takers in a good environment. To each their own!
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