So I have seriously been such an emotional MESS lately! And it's driving me CRAZY!!!! I hate not feeling like I have ANY control over my emotions. I snap at Cameron over the littlest thing, and then I start bawling cuz I feel bad....yeah, I think Nate is sort of scared of me!! I wake up each day praying so hard to keep my cool with Cameron, and I seriously last about 10 minutes before I'm a basket case!
I've been sort of worried about it and hoping I'm not a bad mom. I want NOTHING more than for Cameron and my future children to have the best childhood possible....to feel loved and safe and comfort in their home. I want the Spirit to be in our home and for us to always keep our eye on our goal of being an eternal family. But lately I feel like I haven't been a good mom AT ALL. I just cannot describe how exhausted I am! I keep telling myself "You're pregnant, just relax". But that doesnt' help when I'm in the middle of a meltdown!
Anyway, so tonight I went back and was reading some of my old blog entries back from last year and earlier this year. I read what I wrote, and I feel like I don't even recognize that voice! I obviously was a LOT more stable and enjoyed motherhood (and babysitting) much MUCH more than I have been the past few weeks, but it actually made me feel a LOT better. I'm not a horrible mom who hates motherhood! I'm just a VERY VERY hormonal pregnant woman.....RIGHT???? Someone please tell me that I will feel better soon....!!!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Blame it on the pregnancy??
Posted by Becca Jane at 8:12 PM
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8 comments:
Becca, you are pregnant! Pregnancy sucks! Some women feel better pregnant but I don't know any of those women. Hang in there you are almost done. I'm sure Cameron won't even remember your meltdowns.
I hope you feel better soon! I have many friends who have told me that they had pre-partum depression and then felt great and back to normal once the baby was born. Hang in there. And you're not a bad mom--Cameron loves you no matter what.
You sound like a totally normal pregnant woman. But yeah, it will get better, maybe not right as soon as you have the baby but give it a few weeks after that when you get the hang of things and you will feel so overcome with gratitude for the two wonderful children that you have and the fact that you have been given the Oportunity to be their mother and from that you will find the energy and motivation to make every day a great one!
You're just pregnant, you're just pregnant! I'll be honest...I imagine more break downs once Allie gets here before things get better! But then, I'll bring over some yummy, not gourmet food and everything will be better :)
Haha Mycah, I plan on lots of post-Allie breakdowns too! Atleast I'm realistic, right??
Cam is always so happy and that is a sign of a great mom. I don't know too may women near the end of their pregnancy, who doesn't feel hormonal. Allie is blessed to be born into such a loving family as is Cam. Just hang in there. Soon you'll be wondering where the time has flown.
OK, I'm going to be completely candid and honest. After Joshua's pregnancy I felt like a huge cloud had been lifted off my head. I had the worst pre-partum depression and I felt so much better the second he was born. No joke, I pushed him out and I was me again. However, it's now been almost 14 months since I had Natalie and I have yet to feel like myself again. I have maybe a week and a half a month where I feel somewhat normal, and the rest of the time I feel like a hormonal beast. But that doesn't mean I'm not a good mom, and the same goes for you. Yes, I can be unreasonable with my kids and Chris sometimes, but I do enough the other times to make up for it. I strive to create great memories in the hopes that my kids will at least forgive (if not completely forget) the times that I'm less than great. I'm not telling you this to scare you, but so that if you're not back to normal soon you will know that you're not alone and hopefully it's not a shock. The worst thing about this last post-partum stuff is that I expected to feel as great as I did with Josh.
So, I HOPE you're feeling good soon after giving birth, but don't beat yourself up if you're not. And hopefully I didn't just send you into a full blown depression! :)
Wow, I have the BEST friends and family mommy-support EVER!! You guys always know how to make me feel so much better about things....which is the main reason I feel like I can be honest on here. I don't think ANYONE benefits from holding in their frustrations or feelings. I'm so glad I have all of you to "talk" to...even if it is over a blog!
Overall I know things are going to be great. I have felt SO strongly about having Allie, and during the whole pregnancy, I have felt like she will be nothing but an absolute joy and blessing in our lives. She is supposed to be joining us, and I know the Lord will give me the strength I need to raise her and Cam the best I can. LOVE YOU ALL!!
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